Be pleasing, always

   The name is cat. It's been a pleasure to meet you.

The words on this blog were written by me and remain mine, unless otherwise stated. They are a testament to the most beautiful years of my life and dedicated to my beloved Liege.

This blog will live longer than I, I hope it continues to bring joy and perhaps inspiration when i'm gone. It will remain until it doesn't.

Please do not follow me now, you don't want to go where i am heading.


The M:

Dear anon(s),

Please get in touch (non-anonymously if at all possible, your message(s) will not be published, but will be answered) at:

Thank you.

I believe it’s time to close the ask here now.


— 1 year ago with 15 notes
Dawn came too soon


Yesterday we tried to celebrate her life. Cat feared she would not be here for her birthday, but she insisted we should celebrate her life. I believe she would have smiled on us.

It seems strange to write here now, yet many messages have come to me from people who find comfort in this page. Thank you all for your messages. The reaction has been a comfort and heartbreaking at once.

Yesterday I sat by her side with a few close friends. We shared her words and those I have posted here from others. We watched some video of her dancing, I played some music. We read poems. We talked. We cried. I failed again.

Last night I held her for the last time. I don’t remember letting go.

Among the things Cat has with her on her last journey are the words from her friends here, her last pointes, a red candle to symbolise the hundreds that have been lit by you all. She wears my collar, it was hers all along.

Cat wanted her last journey to start at dawn, she loved sunrises and sunsets.

She wanted so little.

‘Do not stand at my grave and weep’… but I wept. ‘She was my North, my South, my East and West’…. I may have been her compass, but the needle has gone.

There were a few roses, one piece of music and the poem written for her by SecretedSins. It seemed so very appropriate.  “a lasting dawn…”

Today I carried her for the last time. A journey has started where I cannot lead or hold her hand.

She is gone. No amount of stardust will fill the hole she leaves behind.

She is pleasing, always and forever. My beautiful Cat is gone.

Never again,

“The M”

— 1 year ago with 205 notes
And eternity……


And eternity……

There is no time here

the clock has stopped.

This is not a moment

but a lifetime.

No it does not end here

there is more than this

this is my forever

at your feet.


© words: cat / be-pleasing-always

(via herliege)

— 1 year ago with 290 notes
#for Cat  #be-pleasing-always 
For Cat


Each life begins a glimmer.
Some fade; some gleam like suns,
Shining down on us until
at last, their fiery course is run.
Your light, your warmth, 
in those you’ve touched,
shall serve a lasting dawn;
and, if our time is at an end,
if you must finally travel on,
I pray you are at peace
held firm within His hands. 
I pray you are at peace.
Travel well, my friend.

(via herliege)

— 1 year ago with 208 notes
#for cat  #be-pleasing-always 
She was pleasing, always

The night came too soon. She is gone.

Cat didn’t want sadness, I couldn’t stop it. She didn’t want tears, I couldn’t stop them. She didn’t want to go, I couldn’t stop her.

I held her tight, she slipped through my fingers.

My beautiful beloved Cat, my stubborn little fool, my spitfire, my little dancer, died in my arms. The woman who wrote the words on these pages will write no more.

Cat lived with grace and died with grace. She was the brightest, most beautiful, kind, loving, giving, selfless and funny person I will ever meet. I hope there’s rain where she is dancing now.

She was beautiful and she was mine. I have no idea how to be without her.

She was pleasing, always. And forever.

Her devoted Liege.

— 1 year ago with 456 notes
So it is and came to be

that soon there will be no new posts on this blog.

To those of you who have read and enjoyed my words, i thank you. The kindness and support i have encountered here have been at times overwhelming. i apologise if you have sent me a note recently where i have failed to respond.

To those of you who have become my friends, i have no words. Some of you i have spoken to already, i’m sorry that i now lack the strength to reach out to others. And i am sorry for any upset this may cause. It hurts to be the cause of sadness for the people i care about.

About this blog: if my ramblings have in any way explained something or have shed some light on the dark side, if, for whatever reason, you have found something on these pages that moved you, i am thankful that i could share these snippets of my life and thoughts with you. If i have shown that there is beauty in submission, i am grateful.

This blog will remain until it doesn’t. It won’t be up to me. While it is here, i hope it brings some joy or pleasure to those who visit.

A cancerous beast that won’t be slain is winning. It’s a hopeless battle. Soon i won’t be dancing or kneeling anymore. It’s time to admit defeat.

i hope with all my heart that in some way or other i have been pleasing, always.

In gratitude,


— 1 year ago with 287 notes

And while he held me, i felt a great freedom fill my heart, a calm came to my body and soul and a smile soared to my face. i had found my home.

you will be pleasing, always, he said.

©words: cat / be-pleasing-always

— 1 year ago with 374 notes